.
The Darkening...

Something is happening. I can feel it. It is happening to the seasons. It is happening to the day. And it is happening to me.

As Summer has fallen to Autumn the light has begun to wane. The warmth has fallen to the cold. And the dark has gained in strength. This is only one season changing to another but I feel something within me. It is not just the dead leaves falling to the ground. It is not just the icy breath of winter approaching. It is within me. It has been growing for some time. I have felt it.
And it is dark.

Years ago, in a past life, I was very different. Long ago I was an angry young man seething with a fire borne of torment. My veins coursed with blood filled with rage. I had been struck by others and their vehement wrath, including my own forebears. In response I hid from them and their vile hatred. I sought sanctuary in the dark and gathered my strength.

Eventually, through many years of building myself up and with studies of how man thinks, I grew to understand them, as well as myself. After some years of building my body I realized that the mind is much more powerful. With this knowledge I delved deep into the potential of the mind--others and my own...

With these newfound powers I rose up, as a phoenix breathing fire upon all those who had done me wrong, as well as those who had not. The following are words from a recent post that exemplifies how I felt at that dark time:

"...The angry serrated knives of those that have persecuted me are sharpened upon the interlocking bones of my jagged ribcage. Blood flows free and pours red upon the hands reaching out with hunger and the foreheads of the ones to be saved. I have forsaken all those that have forsaken me..."

The deeper one goes into the studies of the mind and spirit the more one realizes that anger is not needed nor wanted. It is an obstacle of peace. It is worthless.
And so I released it. It was gone from my life.

I had forgiven those that had wronged me even though they still felt resentment towards me. I moved on with my life.
I then proceeded to destroy everything that others had wanted me to become. This, of course, created even more animosity. But still, I did not hate, I did not create anger in my life. I had done this to my own life. No one was to blame. Only me.

After three years of destruction of my former life I had burned it all away. There was hardly anything left. There were, however, many sad and angry people left in the rubble. They wanted so much more from me. I did not give them what they wanted. I did not give in. I walked away.

I am here now. Seemingly broken and penniless. Fallen down with no life to speak of. Full of inspiring aspirations and delusionary dreams that I have clung on to with nothing else. How many others still believe that I will create all of these illusory fantasies? Do I even care if they still believe? And most importantly, will I ever create the world I wish to manifest? I know the answer. But that answer is not what I am speaking about now. There is something else.

A growing metamorphosis is happening within me. I can feel it and I cannot stop it. I don’t think I even want to.

I have always loved all things dark. I am a nocturnal creature. I sleep in the day and am fully alive throughout the night. But this is different. This is more. It is not anger. It is not animosity towards others. It is not just a love for the dark. It is something darker.
It is what I call a “darkening”.

This darkening is aching to be released from within me. I am tired of pictures of beautiful skies and warm sunlight. I am so tired of beholding the beauty of light. And I am so hungry.
I can no longer hold it back. There are changes coming in my artwork and my writing. I want to show the world. I want to show you.

I know I have created all that I am. Life is different for me now.
And will never be the same again.
I have reaped what I have sown.
It is time for the harvest.

Sickle in hand, the moon is high.
Death within life, darkness am I.

The light is dimming.
The darkness is coming.
I can feel it.
And it is from the inside...

~ Vizionary ~
.